The World changes in the second of a blink

I was having a good day... when i got that horrible call of all my family trying to get a hold of me. it was like 12:54pm and my dad was on his way to the E.R. with chest pain... i freaked out. by God's grace Katie was there and the prayer chapel was empty. but i froze... like couldn't think. I never really think of my dad as seriously old.. though he's technically 50... yeah. so do what i do best.. bottle it up and find something to do with my hands and mouth so that i dont have to think, talk, or respond to my situation, i become a machine. its scary though how good i have gotten at this... i just go on with life and ignore the circumstance... at times this could be helpful... but paired with this innate intense reaction to just shut down it proves to be quite detrimental to my health and welfare. During the next few 1/2 hours i am attached to my phone like no other.
SOO yeah. i distracted myself for a while since it was kinda pointless to go to the hospital and passed out dresses from the dress closet. i then borrowed bree's car..(i need to give her present for car usage).. and drove to the hospital. as i was driving samm calls but there's a cop so i hung up on her. WORST NIGHTMARE. i immediately call her back wonderin why she called and she tells me that dad is ok, and that they are going to get taco bell. I meet them there and get the story.
basically dad wasnt feeling good and then he got really blury eyes. HE went to the medical center and they sent him to hospital. they gave him asprin but they still needed to run a few tests.
Seeing my dad with all those wires attatched scared the crap out of me. I didnt let it show but i had never *really* thought about my dad dying till them... and he's is at risk. he's 50, a 2x smoker, stress up the wahzoo, and in a physical labor job...ahha. i dont know. he was still dad still joking/being serious about them letting him out for a cigerette before he killed someone, excited about getting to pee in a bottle and wanting my mom to take a picture, but i dont know... scary.
Then there was also the lady in the waiting room who was crying out in pain and all i wanted was to be Jesus and be able to comfort and heal her. it tore me apart to see her in pain as i was talking about God....
THEN i gave away my purity... ring. samm has been askign for one and she liked mine soo much.. i didnt want to let it go... but she needed it more than me... it just sucks because i really liked that ring and now my hand feels naked...
THEn I came back, zoned out to a horrible movie, was too lazy to more, helped a friend with homework, wrote the letter to my samaritan's purse child and uploaded pictures, and wrote this.
THE POINT BEING... I LOVE MY DAD.

The weirdest 3 nights: The final being the best.

So i have had the weirdest past three nights. Thursday night i was freaking out about a huge paper and awana's and the emergency dress closet and Twilight: New Moon's midnight showing. I had all these things i had to do and i kinda freaked out. i didnt get as far as having a panic attack but i was close. i ended up calling my sister about what to do, i tend to make decisions about my life in a group setting, and she told me to skip awana's because i had already paid for the ticket to new moon and i really couldn't not do my paper, or skip the dress closet... So i locked myself in my room (I HATE DOING HOMEWORK EMO STYLE LOCKED IN MY ROOM WITH NO SUN) and wrote my paper and got done just in time to leave with katie. New moon was great and i went to bed at 3 am.
Friday was crazy. i actually got up for my 8 o'clock class , VERY SURPRISING, and went to class and went to work and went to chapel and went to class and cleaned my room, and went to class and got ready for exposure. A very planned out day haha. Exposure i got ready and it was fun to be girly, considering the last simpson event my goal was to look like a man (a fact which i am not proud of that i did an excellent job looking like a man... stupid). I did my hair and my nails and make-up and i like being a girl. its fun to pamper one's self. I then met up with justin, i love my brother... OH OH. I met the girl i was hosting and she was REALLY cool. I got to take pictures for dana and i like camera's (p.s. anyone wants to get me a Christmas gift i need a memory card). the movies were great, we went to denny's until 3. i was in a weird mood. like really weird. i don't know if people noticed but i was soo ticked off at Simpson students. i know that we were waiting for like an hour (we knew if was going to be awhile) but everyone just sat themselves down and the waitress was frustrated and i was weird. i just felt weird. gah. i hate when i do that, i was anti-social and introspective and kept staring at people. God did provide me with food, due to my lack of money. Thanks Jesus.
Finally, Saturday. began at 1:00pm ish. Food. homework. Randomly watched how i met your mother. still weird mood. then food. then rant to megan about boys. then random trip to foodmax to get ice cream. then boy meets world.then up. hmmmm. so movies skew boundaries. when everyone is on the floor and you want everyone to be able to see so you scoot and then you break boundaries and then you dont realize if that was ok... GAG. boys. anyways then we played Ultimate ninja!! i like that game. i am kinda frustrated with how easy i am to be made fun of though. i know* people do care about me and that sometimes i do bring on the making funess on purpose but seriously. its called strategy. and i am very quick. matt wier says i have ninja skills (but i want pirate skills). Well the point of this ramble begin;s now.,..
God is amazing. after all teh chaos of the weekend at 1:30am in the morning a few of us began talking about God. the night could have multiple times gone downs roads of greater harm or ambiguity but no, GOd had plans and he wanted to see them happen. We talked about God, and healing, and Prophecy and the abuses of the church. It was funny because i just felt like i needed to operate in a more listening point of view. and when Prophecy was brought up i took a step back and kinda shivered and i was given a weird loook. Aub looked at me adn was like "are you ok, are you about to go off", but i didnt. i just wanted to see where it was going. i told her later that God wanted me to speak he would make me haha which he did a couple times. I feel my views about gifts changing and im not sure if its to the better or not. I seem to have the sketch gifts that are abused the most (prophesy, dream interpretation, intercessory) and therefore it makes me reluctant... yeah. it lead to an AMAZING time of prayer. simpson amazing. people left and a few of us prayed for someone and it was ... breath taking. i feel like God is calling me into something but i'm not sure, my quiet times have been so intense lately.. i dont know, please let it not be too tragic.
The point is.. i went from a night of twilight to denny's to Jesus. and i definitely LOVED the last night far over the others. end.

"Every day's the same. She fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray. She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries. This is the dark before the dawn. The storm before the peace. Don't be afraid 'cause seasons change and God is watching over you. she'll be just fine, cause now he hears her when she cries"

Frustration

GAH! i hate events that make you take a date!! (ps. this rant is not directed at any who already have dates. its not your fault i feel like this)

I have NEVER liked "date events" i honestly do not see the problem with going with a big group of mixed gender people to an event and everyone hanging out with everyone. At "Date Events" there seems to always be this pressure... especially if your date person is from "outside the group". Like i have not issue with bringing new people to events, its super fun and we should be inviting others to join with us in our endeavor. But when everyone is coupled off and is not acting like themselves because they are trying to impress the date... not cool.

I know that a lot of this stems from the fact that i am always the girl that doesnt get asked. if you know anything about me, you know i took my twin sister's then boyfriend/now husband to prom, and to the only dance with a date i took my lil' sister's bf. (he was my age). I just don't like the pressure put on by these things.

I am in a season of singleness. i know this. and i know that's the place where God wants me to be . the place where i am focusing on him for my image, and for my future. But seriously? come on... stupid simpson recommended date exposure night... GRR