Sugar Fast Confusion

So here I sit at 12:49am October 31, 2009 in my room alone. I have just completed a 30 day sugar fast (top 3 ingredients) and after a few bites of ketchup, and only 3 bites of a chocolate dirt thing I am feeling sick.

As some friends and I were on our way back from a party all I wanted was some fries and ketchup from in and out, I was sooo excited. As we begin to near our destination though I became hesitant. I felt like it was a violation of the fast even though the fast was over. My mind knew that the time was up, but my body was repelling the urges for processed sugar. I felt like I was betraying myself, giving in, relapsing.

As I am alone in my room, the few bits of chocolate ingested quite obviously to me working its way through my digestive track, I cant help thinking that I did something wrong, that I should be in trouble. It feels like those stories you here about virgins on their wedding night. Basically, they keep their purity so safe, so pure, and are so afraid of being defiled that they will freeze up on their wedding night, overcome with self-loathing. It’s kinda of the same deal with me. I built up this sugar fast, keeping my self-pure of sugar, and running away from the temptations of sugar; that upon the end point of what I had been working towards I froze. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, or how to think of myself.

SO now I rant.